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Paradise Misplaced is a weekly comic strip available online at www.paradisemisplaced.si every Sunday morning CET. It is set in the bibilical Garden of Eden before the fall of man and includes the following cast of characters:
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God – a large, hairy and easily angered deity in charge of the Garden. Resides just over the horizon. He is also the all-powerfull creator of the Garden and all living beings in it, a feat he claims to have accomplished all by his lonesome.
He generally loves the creation and his human children but is given to disproportionate fits of rage when they disobey one of His obscure rules of conduct. His typical reaction is to evict the delinquents from the heavenly garden to earth, an unpleasant place where the men have to work for a living and women have to bear their children in pain - unless landing in a country where social welfare and epidural anasthesia are available.
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Holy Ghost – God's pet pigeon. It never leaves his side and has been with Him since He was a child. Legend tells it that it once saved His life when He fell into the river Styx and the Holy dove flew for five miles to alert His parents of the mishap. They saved little G just before he went down the waterfall at the edge of the world. Smartest bird alive.
In fact, conspiracy theorists are convinced it is this inconspicous pigeon that actually runs the show, the Fathergod being merely the frontman of his puppet-regime. To this day however no conclusive proof has been presented to either support or disprove this claim.
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Archangel – The Garden's chief of police. Always snooping on Eden's inhabitants to see if he can detect any breaches of the insane Law lain down by God's senile grandmother on her death-bed. He carries a flaming sword to deliver on the spot justice for minor trespassings but usually scurries to snitch the transgressors to God who then goes mental.
Everybody considers him God's lapdog and possibly gay but is really just hermaphroditic and a God-made robot that is programmed to act that way and can't help himself. Once, when the archangel was asleep, the Monkey snuck up to him, tiny little scalpel in hand, and made a small incision in his side, and beneath it was all iron and exposed wiring and little red blinking diode-lights. Really.
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Adam – Apart from his devotion to nudism, A. is your typical everyman. Good-natured, fun-loving and reliable. Reasonably fit, but by no means a muscle man. Somewhat of a romantic. Partial to long walks on the beach. Owns own car.
Completely faithful to his wife, Eve – a fact made all the easier since she is the only woman on earth. Doesn't go out for poker nights with the boys because he is the only man on earth. To make up for the lack of company, he occasionally makes friends with animals in the garden who however lead him into temptation by offering him cigarettes, wine, liquor and pornography. »Never trust a camel with a pack of firesticks« is his motto.
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Eve – the mother of all women. Has a near perfect figure of 90-58-84, but refuses to get a boob job like her agent advised just to score better modeling jobs. Used to work on the catwalks of Milan, Paris and Tokio before coming to the Big Brother house in Eden, but is really interested in studying sociology, the languages and anything at all about marine mammals. She has a weak spot for animals and will take whatever they offer her, be it apples, crack or the collected works of Franz Kafka, often getting her and Adam in trouble with their patronizing, control-freak boss.
When asked if she minds being the only girl in the all-male human cast of PM, she just smiles and says she's used to it, having grown up in a big Sicilian household with five brothers. »They were a wild bunch« she quips »but we all knew it was momma who ultimately called the shots.«
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The Animals – The agents of temptation in Eden, basically the actors of making at least something happen in Eden, the spiriti movens of the respective fabula. Without them, it would be all lalala, but like this it's – ah – drama.
Despite being the ones causing temptation, the animals deny having been deployed by any sort of devillish scheme. »There's nothing sinister about it« a dog told us, »you're assigned a tree and the merchandise and you try to move it. It's difficult enough geting a prime spot and it's not like there's a big consumer base – it's two people right? There's very little market research and limited advertising options. Basically, you stand by your plant and shout and wave the product if one of the nudists comes by, doing your best to peddle the stuff before it spoils. You know, there's kids dying of famine in Africa every day, and we've got fruit, sacher cake, even video games rotting away in the trees, just because the Old Man has it in for the free market. And we're all just trying to make an honest living, that's all.« |
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